Drama Title: Strike and the
strikers
Characters:
Mr Jona Lucky-goody, president of the Federal
Republic of Nigger-yard, a country in the West
Mrs Pati Lucky-goody, the first lady
Akpos, special advisor to the president
Professor Rollins, ASUU chairman
Dr. Afo, ASUU secretary
A Newscaster, a security agent
First
Motion Page
At the presidential Villa
Jona:
Akpors
Akpors:
Mr. President
Jona: I
have not been feeling well since all this while
Akpors:
Neither have I
Jona:
What do you mean?
Akpors: The
cook must have over-cooked or (let me say) over-spiced the food we ate
yester-night such
that despite the quantity I devoured, I still find myself purging.
that despite the quantity I devoured, I still find myself purging.
Jona:
That’s not the point
Akpors:
I thought so. So, what’s the point?
Jona: I perceive
these days that my enemies are multiplying and they have refused to drop
Akpors:
Of course /takes a pause then continues/ the people, I reckon.
Jona:
Yes, but not all of them, except for some.
Akpors:
Hmmm
Jona:
Tell me Akpors, what have I been doing wrong?
Akpors:
Nothing.
Jona: I
can’t believe that.
Akpors:
why?
Jona:
because if it’s nothing, there must be something I am doing wrong
Akpors: Mr President, there is absolutely nothing.
That is to say, you are nothing a thing or anything
that should be called wrong. Like our fore-fathers would say /framing a disjointed proverbial
flapdoodle/ the coco-nut tree does not hurt the ground with its leaves even tho’ the ground
frowns his face at each falls.
that should be called wrong. Like our fore-fathers would say /framing a disjointed proverbial
flapdoodle/ the coco-nut tree does not hurt the ground with its leaves even tho’ the ground
frowns his face at each falls.
Jona:
What does that mean?
Akpors:
The people are only making you think you’re doing something wrong, whereas you
are not. At
least, I am a living witness. I could remember how I was before you appointed me as your
special advisor. And now I can testify to the glory if God, of how you’ve blessed my purse and
belly. All my family members all have good works and even serve as good connective link to
others.Through them, you’ve helped a lot. Nobody can deny that they’ve not tasted your dainty.
It is what we share daily, except God wants want to punish whomsoever denies it
least, I am a living witness. I could remember how I was before you appointed me as your
special advisor. And now I can testify to the glory if God, of how you’ve blessed my purse and
belly. All my family members all have good works and even serve as good connective link to
others.Through them, you’ve helped a lot. Nobody can deny that they’ve not tasted your dainty.
It is what we share daily, except God wants want to punish whomsoever denies it
Enters
Mrs Pati Jona
Mrs
Jona: what’s happening Horney?
Akpors:
He is just complaining about the people.
Mrs
Jona: people are an ingrate;
Akpors: /silently/ chai!
Mrs
Jona: so ungrateful that you have to be
very so careful so that they don’t give you strokes.
Akpors:
/breathes out heavily/
Jona:
Never. That will not happen.
Mrs
Jona: /smiles/ well done than easier
said. /To Akpors/ can you please see the
television so that we
can switch what is been casted?
can switch what is been casted?
Akpors:
what?
Jona: stop pretending as if you did not
understand
Akpors:
okay
(He
switches on the television. The newscaster reads the news)
Newscaster:
The Boko-haram sect has decided to upgrade their intelligence. They maintain
they will
stop at nothing till they ensure that western education is eradicated including every form
of anti-islamic religions. According to our correspondent, Mr Ibu, the Boko-Harams
demonstrated their claims by suicide-bombing some schools as well as churches in
Damaturu…the activist, professor Swagz said that such an act has been ‘’ too pasquinading
for humanity to bear’’. In conclusion, he says ‘’the sect is delineated to have been
clippered in a somewhat religious homoterrorism’’.
stop at nothing till they ensure that western education is eradicated including every form
of anti-islamic religions. According to our correspondent, Mr Ibu, the Boko-Harams
demonstrated their claims by suicide-bombing some schools as well as churches in
Damaturu…the activist, professor Swagz said that such an act has been ‘’ too pasquinading
for humanity to bear’’. In conclusion, he says ‘’the sect is delineated to have been
clippered in a somewhat religious homoterrorism’’.
Akpors:
thank God nobody mentioned the government
Newscaster:
Many strictures have been directed towards the government for not making any
attempts
towards the Boko-haram threats…according to Barrister Ken, the government have been
deliberately and diplomatically paralytic in their essays…
towards the Boko-haram threats…according to Barrister Ken, the government have been
deliberately and diplomatically paralytic in their essays…
Jona:
what does this need do with an essay Akpors?
Akpors:
/silent/
Jona:
Akpors
Akpors:
/silent/
Jona:
Akpors!!!
Akpors:
I am trying to check the Collins dictionary on my phone to be sure
Jona: so
what does it say?
Akpors:
I think they mean our attempts
Jones:
Nonsense
Akpors:
they can’t understand!
Security:
Sir, some people came just now.
Jona:
who are they?
Securtiy:
They said they are having an appointment with you
Jona: is
that their names?
Security:
Just three of them
Jona:
Their names?
Security:
/stuttering/ em professor…I can’t re-collect…they are the ASUU people
Jona: ASUU
what?
Akpors:
Mr. President, I don’t think this guy is competent for the job!
Security:
but sir
Akpors:
Shut up there. Were you not taught the question-answer theory in your secondary
school?
Security:
I did sir.
Akpors:
May be to get a full understanding of it, you need to go to the university.
/Hisses/
Jone:
Wait a minute. Did you mention ASUU just now?
Security:
Yes sir
Mrs
Jone: Those people have come here again with their wahala. I don’t even know
why you keep fixing
appointments with them.
appointments with them.
Jone; Am
sorry dear, we just have to meet with them
Mrs
Jone: You and who?
Jone: I
mean us
Mrs Jone:
you mean me and you?
Jone:
Don’t worry dear; it’s just Akpors and me
Mrs Jone: It better be. /after a short/ and tell them
to let those children go back school and stop
keeping them waiting. Besides, whose rights are they fighting for, the children’s or theirs?
keeping them waiting. Besides, whose rights are they fighting for, the children’s or theirs?
Jone:
You mean the students?
Mrs Jone:
whatever! Just tell them to release them. /She leaves/
Jone: I
will do that.
Akpors:
What will happen now?
Jone:
/to the security/ is the secretary with them?
Security:
they were just two. But which is the secretary, sir?
Akpors:
President, you need to fire this man here.
Jona: We
don’t need that for now. I think the secretary is with them.
Akpors:
What about him?
Jona: He
is my only problem. I don’t want his grammars this time. Even those who are
still managing to
speak in clear languages have not had their requests answered talk not of these heaps of
confusions. Besides, you know how things are run here. The answer to their requests does not lie
with us. That’s the kind of system we’ve always had.
speak in clear languages have not had their requests answered talk not of these heaps of
confusions. Besides, you know how things are run here. The answer to their requests does not lie
with us. That’s the kind of system we’ve always had.
Akpors:
consulting, consulting, consulting.
Jona:
that’s it /to the security/ anyway, bring them in
Security:
Okay sir
Second
Motion Page
(After some minutes, both the ASUU chairman and the ASUU secretary come in)
(After some minutes, both the ASUU chairman and the ASUU secretary come in)
Akpors: You
people are welcome.
Afo: And who is this pumpy, chumpy lump of a stump?
Akpors: I
am the special advisor to His Excellency
Afo: On
what matters
Akpors: On
internal matters of strict private emergencies…the one and only
Afo:
What does that mean-----
Rollins:
That’s not what we are here for Afo. /To
Akpors/ where is the president?
Akpors:
In the conference room.
/they
move to the conference room/
Both Rollins and Afo: your Excellency
Jona: You
are highly welcome gentlemen. I am glad to see you again.
Afo: We bring to you our august accosting in
the most intrepid gratulation of heart.
Jona: Thank
you very much. You may have your sit.
(As they
sit, the chairman motions to the secretary to take charge of the line of
discourse after which the secretary brings out some documents and pretends to
peruse them, with much seriousness).
Afo: Mr. President.
Jona:
yes
Afo: /picking
his words bit by bit/we are quite apprehensively enschooled hitherto, by the
very deckle-
edge of your erstwhile dictum, which however reliving it is to us is the noodle-presentment of this
conventicle. In other words declaring to you the pith of our approximations will be an injurious
tautology to your mind’s palabras
edge of your erstwhile dictum, which however reliving it is to us is the noodle-presentment of this
conventicle. In other words declaring to you the pith of our approximations will be an injurious
tautology to your mind’s palabras
Rollins:
/sighs/ chi-ne-ke
Afo: so
without much ado, we will like to hear from you, what you have decided.
Jona; /remains
silent/
Afo: Mr.
President?
Jona: /remains
silent/
Rollins:
Mr. President?
Jona: /remains
silent/
Afo: /speaks
silently to Rollins/ why does he remain mute?
Rollins:
/whispers back/ thaumaturgic imbecility, of course…jujued by some spell: or
maybe he is rather
too conscious of being jujued and so tries not to make himself vulnerable. You know, this is
Africa! African magic is always a-stake through the visors of some over-lords; just a pity that he
now looks like somebody seriously needing a chiropractic surgery.
too conscious of being jujued and so tries not to make himself vulnerable. You know, this is
Africa! African magic is always a-stake through the visors of some over-lords; just a pity that he
now looks like somebody seriously needing a chiropractic surgery.
Akpors:
Please continue sir
Afo: are
you the president?
Akpors: But
I am his mouth speaker…
Afo and
Rollins: Spoonerism!
Akpors: I
mean his mouth piece
Afo: …Having
a debacle, an oracle? This is a stark zingiberaceous hokum!
Jona: /silently/
I said it!
Rollins:
Mr. President, we need a quick response from you now! Time is not by our side
Jona: /silently
to Akpors/ I said it /sighs/ this people are plotting against this
administration
Afo: /to Rollins/ A Trojan Ambuscade I sense,
abuscadoes brooched to Odysseus’s witticism!
Jona and
Akpors : / silently/ Chai!
Akpors: /silently to Jona/ His Excellency
Jona:
yes
Akpors:
you look morose!
Jona:
what is that supposed to mean? Do you want to add salt to injury?
Akpors:
no sir
Jona: In
fact, where is that your phone?
Akpors: On
point sir.
Jona: you
need to do something.
Akpors:
like what sir?
Jona: As
we can both see, they are speaking in a tongue that seems impure to us, which
means that they
are trying to build a scandalous propaganda in order to threaten this office.
are trying to build a scandalous propaganda in order to threaten this office.
Akpors:
so what would you have me do sir?
Jona: get
that your Collins, immediately
Akpos: I’m
on it, just that those things are coming too fast
Rollins:
His Excellency
Jona: gentlemen,
I think this calls for fasting and praying
Rollins:
/laughs loudly/ what!
Afo: a
riff of Berean diplomatism!
Akpors: sirs,
I think, what the president said, was said technically and figuratively.
Rollins:
Mr. President, we shall make it clear once again that we do not mind letting
the strike persist
adnauseam. We wish we had had some other mechanisms by which to beetle out our
propositions. But as it is now, the students will have to stay: and it would appear too Bezonian, if
not Gothic, not to pity the students, as the president of this wonderful country. This, I have
reasoned from a pater familias view point.
adnauseam. We wish we had had some other mechanisms by which to beetle out our
propositions. But as it is now, the students will have to stay: and it would appear too Bezonian, if
not Gothic, not to pity the students, as the president of this wonderful country. This, I have
reasoned from a pater familias view point.
Afo: besides,
Mr. President, these demands are necessitous! In fact, statistically and
zoographically, a
copious quantum of the results compiled from the phizog-analysis as well as the sensual responses
of the students shows that, they are very much disillusioned, if not bolted in a Cimmerian rile!
copious quantum of the results compiled from the phizog-analysis as well as the sensual responses
of the students shows that, they are very much disillusioned, if not bolted in a Cimmerian rile!
Rollins:
this is a noetic datum which implies that the aggrieved souls shall be
conflagrated to evoke a
massive ruckus. The students shall zero in on the state a bubonic hurly-burly, if you don’t meet
our desiderata
massive ruckus. The students shall zero in on the state a bubonic hurly-burly, if you don’t meet
our desiderata
Jona: /shakes
his head tragically/
Akpors: /silently
to the president/ I understand what is going on sir, but this is not the time
to shed tears
Jona: /angrily/
Are you out of your mind? Which tears do you see now?
Akpors: But
your eyes are red
Afo: are
you done contriving, even though in taciturnity done?
(There
is silence everywhere for a while)
Jona: /hay-hems/
gentlemen, I think we will have to prose-pone this meeting
Both
Rollins and Afo: why?
Jona: decisions
cannot just be taken like that!
Rollins:
Why?
Afo: but
you are the president. Whatever you say is final
Jona: I
assure you gentlemen that, when we meet again, something benefiting will be
yielded
Both
Rollins and Afo: His Excellency?
Jona: that
will be all for today
Both
Rollins and Afo: special Advisor?
Jona: and
please, when next you are coming, bring an interpreter
Rollins:
/as they all rise to stand, he whispers to Afo/ Like I said, he must have been
zombified:
And not until his gods-or those stones of
Heraclea behind his marsupial- bid him, he is not yet
bided
bided
Afo: maybe
he is not the right person to meet after all; maybe his gods or our God, or
some godly gods
aside his ungodly ones will be the righteous right
aside his ungodly ones will be the righteous right
Rollins:
Paronomasia has nothing to give here, because, this is a disparaging
kakistocratic zombiism.
Afo: or
maybe we just resort to prayer and fasting as his paromeia interprets earlier
Jona:
gentlemen, I think we are done year. You may now take your leave………..TO BE
CONTINUED
